Pieces of Me: Rebuilding After a Sexual Assault
For a long time, I didn’t feel like a whole person. I felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to my sense of self, leaving me shattered into pieces I didn’t know how to put back together.
I still remember every detail of that night. Not because I want to, but because trauma doesn’t let you forget. It clings to your skin, plays on a loop in your mind, and whispers, This is who you are now.
But it’s not. What happened to me doesn’t define me. It’s taken years to believe that, to start rebuilding myself from the pieces left behind. This is my story—not just of pain, but of healing, reclaiming my power, and finding hope again.
The Immediate Aftermath
In the days and weeks after the assault, I was in survival mode. I didn’t feel anything, which, in hindsight, was its own kind of feeling. Numbness wrapped itself around me like a blanket, keeping everything at arm’s length.
I didn’t tell anyone at first. I didn’t have the words. How do you explain something that’s left you feeling so violated, so broken? And when I finally did tell a close friend, her reaction made me retreat even further. She meant well, but her questions stung:
“Are you sure that’s what happened?”
“Why didn’t you fight back?”
I started questioning myself. Maybe I hadn’t fought hard enough. Maybe it was my fault.
The Turning Point
The turning point came months later when I stumbled upon a support group for survivors. At first, I was terrified to walk into that room. I thought, What if they judge me? What if my story isn’t “bad enough” to belong here?
But instead of judgment, I found compassion. Listening to other survivors share their stories made me realize I wasn’t alone. They spoke about their pain, their shame, their anger—and for the first time, I felt seen.
One woman said something that stuck with me: “What happened to you is not your fault. And it doesn’t define who you are.” I cried the whole way home that night, not because I was sad, but because I felt a tiny flicker of hope.
Reclaiming My Power
Healing hasn’t been linear. Some days, I feel strong—like I’ve reclaimed pieces of myself I thought were lost forever. Other days, I still feel small, scared, and angry. But over time, I’ve learned to sit with those feelings instead of letting them consume me.
Therapy has been a lifeline. My therapist helped me understand that what happened wasn’t about powerlessness—it was about someone else’s decision to abuse power. She taught me how to set boundaries, not just with others, but with myself.
I’ve also found empowerment in small, everyday victories. At one point, I couldn’t even walk down the street alone without panicking. Now, I remind myself that I deserve to take up space in this world, to feel safe in my own skin.
One of the most powerful things I’ve done is learn self-defense. Not because I want to fight, but because I want to feel in control of my body again. With every punch, every block, I’m telling myself: I am strong. I am capable. I am more than what happened to me.
Finding Support and Community
Support has come in unexpected places. My family, who I was scared to tell at first, have been my biggest cheerleaders. My friends—especially the ones who didn’t try to “fix” me, but just held space for me—helped me feel less alone.
The survivor community has been incredible, too. Sharing my story with others has been terrifying and liberating all at once. Every time I speak, I feel like I’m taking back a little piece of myself.
What I’ve Learned
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean pretending it never happened. For me, healing means learning to live with what happened without letting it define me. It means giving myself permission to feel joy, to trust again, and to build a life I love.
One of the hardest lessons has been forgiving myself—not for the assault, because that was never my fault, but for the way I’ve judged myself since. I’ve had to remind myself, over and over, that surviving isn’t weakness; it’s strength.
Final Thoughts
If you’re reading this and you’re a survivor, I want you to know: You’re not alone. What happened to you is not your fault. And you are so much more than your trauma.
Healing is messy and painful, but it’s also beautiful. Every step you take, no matter how small, is a step toward reclaiming your life.
You are not broken. You are not defined by what happened to you. You are a whole, beautiful, powerful person, and you deserve to feel that every single day.
If I can find my way back to myself, so can you. One piece at a time.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, support is available. Contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 or visit RAINN.org for confidential support and resources.
