Living with Anxiety: The Battles You Don’t See
Anxiety is like that overbearing friend who shows up uninvited to every event and dominates the conversation. Except, instead of awkward small talk, it brings a whole circus of irrational fears, sweaty palms, and a heart that races like it’s auditioning for the Olympics.
Hi, I’m Jamie, I’m 22, and anxiety is my unwanted sidekick. I didn’t invite it into my life, but it’s here, freeloading on my mental energy like it pays rent. Spoiler: it doesn’t.
Mornings: The Great Debate
Let’s start with mornings. Most people wake up, stretch, maybe smile at the sunlight streaming through their window. I wake up and immediately get hit with a mental pop quiz:
“What if you forgot to lock the door last night?”
“Did you send that email wrong? Are you about to get fired?”
“Remember that embarrassing thing you did in fifth grade? Let’s relive that right now!”
Before I even brush my teeth, my anxiety has me spiraling into a scenario where I’ve ruined my life, and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet.
Breakfast Chaos
Breakfast should be easy, right? Wrong. Anxiety turns even the simple act of eating into a dilemma. Cereal or toast? Too many choices. Am I eating too many carbs? Is my almond milk expired? Should I Google “signs of almond milk poisoning”?
And then there’s coffee. I love coffee, but coffee doesn’t love me back. It fuels my anxiety like throwing gasoline on a campfire. Still, I drink it anyway because what’s life without a little chaos?
Social Survival: Group Projects are the Worst
I’m a college student, so group projects are a regular part of my life. You’d think collaborating with classmates would make the workload lighter. Nope. For me, it’s like entering a gladiator arena of overthinking.
"Am I doing enough? Too much? Are they silently judging me because my PowerPoint font choice is Arial instead of Helvetica? Is there a right answer here?"
And when the group chat pops up with, “Let’s meet at 3,” I immediately think, What if they think I’m weird? What if I forget how to speak English? Spoiler alert: I’ll spend the entire meeting overanalyzing my body language instead of the project.
Public Transportation Adventures
Public transportation is its own kind of anxiety-inducing horror show. I overthink every aspect:
“Am I standing too close to this person? Do I look creepy?”
“What if I miss my stop? Should I pull the cord now? Too soon? Oh God, I missed it!”
One time, I panicked because I thought I left my phone on the bus, only to realize I was holding it in my hand. The driver laughed; I did too, nervously, because that’s all you can do when you’re that person.
Friend Hangouts: Overthinking Olympics
Hanging out with friends should be fun, and it usually is—after the first hour of me silently overthinking everything I say. Did I laugh too loud at that joke? Was that story boring? Should I have gone for the fries instead of the salad?
The worst is when someone says, “We need to talk later.” My anxiety immediately turns that into, They hate you. You’ve offended them in ways you can’t even imagine. Nine times out of ten, they just wanted to share a meme or ask about homework.
Nights: The Final Boss
If mornings are a pop quiz, nights are a full-on essay exam. I lie in bed, and suddenly, my brain decides it’s the perfect time to replay every awkward interaction I’ve had since kindergarten.
"Remember that time you said 'You too' when the server told you to enjoy your meal?"
"What if your boss fires you tomorrow for no reason at all?"
"Do we really know how planes stay in the air? What if physics stops working?”
Eventually, I’ll calm myself down with some deep breathing, a weighted blanket, and scrolling TikTok until my eyelids give up the fight.
Finding Humor in the Chaos
Living with anxiety isn’t easy, but I’ve learned to laugh at it when I can. Like the time I apologized to a mannequin for bumping into it. Or when I thought a cat on the sidewalk was following me with “suspicious intent.” Anxiety gives me plenty of material for self-deprecating jokes, and sometimes, that humor is what keeps me going.
The Takeaway
If you’re reading this and thinking, Wow, this sounds exhausting, you’re not wrong. But here’s the thing: anxiety doesn’t get the final word in my life. I’m learning to manage it, to quiet its constant chatter, and to remind myself that I’m more than my overthinking brain.
Sure, I have my struggles—like the ongoing battle with public transportation and my unhealthy relationship with coffee—but I’m figuring it out, one day (and one awkward apology to a mannequin) at a time.
So, if you’re out there fighting your own battles with anxiety, know this: you’re not alone. And if you ever see someone laughing nervously on the bus because they thought they lost their phone (but didn’t), that’s probably me. Come say hi—I promise I’ll only overthink it a little.
